A few hours ago I was doing some research about what kind of advice pick up artists tend to give regarding nervousness around beautiful women.
I stumbled upon some pick up forums, YouTube video’s and articles, and quickly came to the conclusion that over 99% of the advice given either is completely irrelevant or simply astonishingly wrong and is often the exact, counterproductive opposite of natural, practical, and proven seduction advice.
What I find entertaining to observe is that the ones who ask for the advice — in my eyes — are far better off than the PUA guru’s. Why? Because the ones who ask for advice at least know they need help learning how to attract beautiful women.
See, the pick up artists and forum veterans actually think they got it all down. They think that being indirect, having approach anxiety, and girls not showing up on dates are simply part of the game.
And of course, occasionally they do end up with a female, but that’s only because of either one of these reasons:
- The female found them.
- She was emotionally unstable or drunk.
- They successfully seduced her in spite of their magic trick or impressive story. Their openers and techniques (whatever they may be) are always used as an excuse to approach or seduce women confidently. Thus, it was their confidence in their technique which made it successful, not the actual technique itself.
Funnily enough, when one of the above phenomena occurs they think they are improving their “game”, and that their new techniques start to bear fruit…
What no pick up artist understands about beautiful women
But what almost none of them understands and absolutely never even considered — and I’m almost certain so do you — is that all these pick up lines, techniques, strategies, and self-conscious manners are the incredible byproducts of one big influence within our society.
If everyone would take a step back and look at the entire picture about what’s going on everyone would be amazed at how men have been fooled all their lives believing they themselves are not worthy enough to attract and date beautiful women.
Consider, for example, why there are countless PUA forums and websites, innumerable pick up lines and techniques to overcome fear and anxiety around beautiful women, and all kinds of canned excuses justifying why they chat up that cute, sexy girl rather than just being bold and direct by telling her the truth.
If we take a look at the whole situation, from a rational standpoint, there’s really not much to fear of being honest about our true intentions, right?
If so, this means that all these techniques and methods are truly there to solve a man made problem, not a natural one.
Consequently, these techniques and methods have been developed around the irrational fears and inadequate feelings towards beautiful women.
And where do these irrational fears, anxieties, and feelings of unworthiness come from?
Well, society has programmed these beliefs notably deep into our subconscious minds and, therefore, not one in a thousand even recognizes it’s completely irrational patterns within our thinking and behavior.
For example, many PUA guru’s will give you the advice to never verbally compliment a beautiful girl on her looks, or at least not until after you had sex with her.
Ever come across such advice yourself? I sure know I have. Did you ever wondered why they would advise something like that?
Is it maybe because beautiful women want men who are hard to get?
Not really. Playing hard to get actually works counterproductively for you, but I explain that in another article.
Is it, then, so that you have less chance to come across as needy?
Well, no, because being needy has to do with low confidence, not with how much you’re attracted to someone.
Then why would they advise playing hard to get?
According to their philosophy, if they do praise the girl and make their true intentions clear they’ll unveil their inadequacy for her.
They literally say: “If you verbally compliment a beautiful girl on her looks before you had sex with her, you will lower your value”.
But doesn’t that sound extremely irrational? About what value are we exactly talking about?
It can’t be our genetic value since that’s based on our masculinity, not on how uncharming or seemingly unavailable we are.
So about what “value” are we talking about???
Honestly, I still don’t know; the PUA guru’s themselves cannot even rationally answer the question or even give valid arguments.
How do I know? I debated one of them about it on their very own blog.
Don’t blame the PUA guru’s, blame the ancient leaders!
It’s not the fault of the PUA guru’s that most men are bad with women. As a matter of fact, the reason most men are bad with women is the exact same reason PUA guru’s are bad with women; bad socialization, which has made almost all men in the western world unsuccessful with (in particular beautiful) women.
As a matter of fact, socialization is the root cause of all these irrational idea’s, and the root cause of all your mental problems around dating women.
Summarized, socialization is the one and biggest negative influence in the following area’s of your life:
- Your self-esteem.
- Your confidence.
- Your beliefs about what women are attracted to.
- Your beliefs about how to seduce women.
- Your beliefs about society.
Now, before we go any further, let me supply you with the definition of socialization:
Socialization is the process by which children and adults learn from others. We begin learning from others during the early days of life; and most people continue their social learning all through life (unless some mental or physical disability slows or stops the learning process). Source: www.soc.ucsb.edu
To illustrate: When you grew up as a little child aged at about 2 years old you most likely still had all the confidence in the world. You probably had no trouble holding compelling eye contact with strangers, even if they were much older than you. You probably also wouldn’t care to walk entirely naked in public. You were a child, and children don’t care. Perfect!
But what then? What happened when you grew up? What happened when you started entering the supposed “real life”?
How come you suddenly don’t have the courage anymore to hold confident eye contact, especially with a beautiful girl who is physically seen much more vulnerable than you? Where does your sudden approach anxiety come from — even when you are just about to tell a beautiful woman something truthful and remarkable, such as that she is beautiful?
Given you probably have no clue, let me explain what socialization actually did with you and your beliefs around dating.
Society has made you believe that you yourself are not worthy enough for beautiful women
That’s simply it! That’s the entire frame behind all pick up lines, all PUA techniques, books, boot camps, etc.
Think about it!
How come that the majority of men from all over the western world are nervous around beautiful women, experience anxiousness even thinking about stating their true intentions, invent magic tricks to entertain them, come up with all kinds of fake, impressive stories, suppress eye-contact, and buy expensive sports cars and big watches mostly for the purpose of impressing women?
Only because they all have been gradually raised to believe that they themselves are not worthy enough of beautiful women, at least not until they have achieved something extraordinary.
Of course, this is almost never consciously and directly said to us when we grew up. Your parents, society, books, ads, music, and movies haven’t taught you directly that you’re not worthy enough. However, they did embed subconscious messages into your mind more or less every single day of your life.
For example, think about the fact that you’ve been raised to believe, most likely by your mother, that a man should buy flowers for his wife every now and then.
But why should the man buy the flowers? Why is it that we men need to “win her heart“?
When you ask women these questions themselves, they’ll often rationalize about how they can appreciate fragrant flowers and their ideal prince charming, leaving most men even more clueless after all. After all, women themselves don’t even know why it is “supposed” to be that way, but often they’ll tell you that it just feels as the “natural” thing to do.
As a result, self-proclaimed seduction experts, dating coaches, and even all kinds of well educated researchers rationalize almost all of their studies on attraction and seduction, simply because they overlook dating oriented socialization completely.
For example, consider the following mind map made by Premed HQ:
As you can imagine socialization impacts us on many different levels, but what the researchers from Premed HQ forgot to consider is that socialization also massively influences everyone around dating and attracting the opposite sex. The researchers who made this illustration are probably highly educated and have studied for years, yet still, they don’t even recognize socialization around dating and attraction.
So, as I suggested, the brainwashing of socialization around dating is so deep that almost everyone overlooks it completely, simply because almost nobody has ever even heard of socialization in the first place.
As a result, men — and women — often behave extremely counter-intuitively when it comes to attracting and seducing the opposite sex, as due to their constant rationalizations around attraction and seduction.
How socialization did all these things to you
Let’s make it all really easy for you to understand.
First of all, you should know that socialization is actually a good thing. It is because of socialization that you carefully look to the left and right before crossing a street. It is also because of socialization that you don’t take off your pants in the middle of the street. These teachings are good for us to learn as they prepare us for the adult life later on.
However, not everything we learn through socialization is good for us.
Do yourself a favor and think for a second about some of the last romantic movies you’ve seen. Remember when at the beginning of the movie the beautiful girl wasn’t particularly interested in him?
Good. Then, nearing the end of the movie, when he won the challenge or fight, or when he successfully protected the whole country from eradication; suddenly she was attracted to him!
Suddenly she started approaching him, smiling at him, and complimenting him; even asking him to go out some time!
Or, remember a time when you saw that beautiful girl and one of your acquaintances or friends said something like “She’s out of your league, dude”?
Or when you finally did end up with a decent girl you had people telling you “You were lucky”?
Exactly. All these stories, all these phrases, all these idea’s and messages have the same underlying frame: That you yourself are not good enough and that beautiful women are indeed out of your league.
Being surrounded by these embedded subconscious messages, day in and day out, really does make you believe irrational things; just like you believe you are the one who should buy the flowers or pay for the date. These beliefs are programmed into us, they are not natural.
Where did these false idea’s come from?
That’s a very good question. From what I’ve learned, I believe, and this is just my belief, that these idea’s are originally founded by our ancient leaders with the purpose to make men work harder for society.
When men believe they themselves are not worthy enough for women until after they have achieved something extraordinary, they will surely work their butt off, as women are the primary and foremost motivation in our life. At least with ambitious, genetically healthy men this is simply the case.
So why would our ancient leaders want men to work harder for society? Well, consider thousands of years ago when societies weren’t as developed as they are now. Back then, societies needed all the manpower they could use for their dominion. But if all men were graciously able to have sex with all the women they desired (and surely, men were much more confident back then than they are now), were would society find it’s manpower for armies, doctors and smiths to do the necessary jobs? Obviously, when we have a constant stream of more than enough beautiful women in our lives, we will of course be much less ambitious for society.
Therefore, leaders in ancient times had to come up with some plan to make men work harder, and thus achieve more for society. If they wouldn’t, society simply wouldn’t have developed as much as it has today. You see, socialization may be good for society as a whole, but what’s good for society isn’t necessarily good for you as an individual.
It may benefit society that you don’t value yourself, sacrifice your own desires for beautiful women, and try to gain confidence by getting other people’s approval, but for you of course it clearly doesn’t.
Where did your confidence go, man
As you now may understand, you are nervous around beautiful women due to all the false idea’s which have been programmed into your mind more or less every single day of your life. Because of this, you believe you yourself are not worthy enough for beautiful women, or in other words; your self-esteem is very low.
Self-esteem simply means how much you like yourself. If you consider yourself important, likable and valuable, or in other words you really like yourself, society can say about you what they want; you can hilariously approach women, make a complete fool out of yourself, and still regard your opinion of yourself higher than that of others.
But if you have been led to believe all your life that you yourself are of little worth, and that you should seek other people’s approval, your self-esteem, of course, get’s completely messed up.
Your parents might have said you’re awesome, you might have had a good youth. But that by far doesn’t stand up against all the bad socialization you have received through television, movies, ads, books, stories, and overhearing daily conversations; all based on the idea that men themselves are not good enough for beautiful women, at least not until they’ve achieved some extraordinary achievement.
So what should you do?
Well, first of all, do me, yourself, and all the women in the world a favor by forgetting everything you have ever learned about pick up and seduction.
Seriously. Forget everything your friends have told you, forget everything you learned from TV, and even what the forum veterans have told you! Specifically, what I mean is: Take a step back from all the massive brainwashing you’ve received all your life.
Consider the truth. You yourself are good enough. Men and women, ugly or beautiful, confident or not, are of equal worth to each other regardless. All you need to start doing is seeing yourself as someone who deserves beautiful women; whether you are successful or not, confident or not, good looking or not.
You don’t need any specific reason to think this way since having sex with women is your natural birthright. Also, you are the most important person in your life; hence, you may naturally think this way.
Once you have digested these idea’s, the next step I highly recommend you to take is to read The Science Of Attracting Beautiful Women. That article together with this one will be the solid, new foundation on which you can apply your new dating efforts — of course, if you desire to do so.
If you learned a lot from this article I suggest you share it with your friends. You’ll do them, including all the beautiful women they’ll ever meet a massive favor by doing so.
Can you relate to the idea’s I’ve shared with you? Have I opened your eyes at least a bit? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below!